Life with a Medical Student Room mate.

Sheesh. I blame my absence on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.I know its pretty old now. But I have a gap of a week between my exams so I started watching. Currently Im going at a rate of three episodes per day- sorry Night. I study too ok. Also I am obsessed with Cyanide and Happiness. Go on click it, you wont regret it.

My cousin is off partying, she had her last exam today. From Monday she has to go again. You guessed right, she's in MED SCHOOL *dhan dhan dhaaan* Also she's my room mate. Which means, I LIVE WITH A FREAK OF NATURE. (Needless to say I'll become one too in an year, props to Mom for the wishes)

Where do I start? Hmm.. How about I have an actual skull in my room. Of an actual person. A real person. A dead real person. (pun Intended). That's right, in two pieces. And it's been there since forever now.Before it used to be a sort of decoration piece. Here's a picture of it with my 16th birthday cake.

i know right. DELICIOUS CAKE.

Now though, its been denoted. Its more of a lost n found box now. I swear that's where I found my keys last week.

So that's where my necklace went.

 This is nothing really. She used to sleep with the humerus bone by her side. (snicker) Talking about humor, she has none. No actually she has a very *medical* sense of humor. Its annoying. No seriously. If i didnt delete all of the forwarded messages of Medical jokes as soon as i got them, I would write one here. But no, You are safe. Also, you are welcome.

And that isnt the only mental torture I have to go through. True to her doctor self, my cousin has unreadable handwriting. So I ended up making her Forensic and Jurisprudence journal in her third year. And let me tell you, it was NOT pretty. Scary Bloody pictures of people with huge stabs and wounds and acid thrown all over them with their whole faces poofed up and grisly. A new vitriolage victim to star in my dream each night. The other day I was doing her jurisprudence work and so now I know how to identify bodies that have been blasted into smithereens and do not have even a finger left.

The only plus point I found in doing her work was Toxicology. I know now that Croton Oil is the best homicidal poison. Its odourless, tasteless and a small amount would do the job in like 3 hours. (Don't test me i did this work in Feb). So you really dont wanna aggravate me, I can easily slip some in your apple juice.
On the other hand, the love of my life has been exposed to be lethal. That's right copper sulphate can kill you. I took this picture, along with countless others in my Chem Lab. All those times.. *sob*

How could u!?

 It doesn't help that whenever I zone out and come back or enter the room, she's always uttering words like 'bloody diarrhea' or the cranial nerve mnemonic. (Okay no, she doesn't chant that but she told me about it, WHOEVER MADE THAT WAS A HUGE PERV)

Being a room mate entails some responsibility to clean up and not finish all the water in the bottle. Being a medical student's room mate, specially one who's a neat freak and goes all Brain eating zombie if i finish the water, Boy do i have a huge list of responsibilities. Top of the list: Be her subject.

She has scratched me, to show me what exactly an abrasion is. She has poked my arms and legs in revising her knowledge of the bones and muscles. She has taken hold of my ear and pulled it around, even put a finger inside. She has pulled my nose up and examined it to her heart's desire. She has made me put my tongue out with my mouth open wide and pinched me so that i screamed 'AAAA'. She has prodded my neck, which was quite ticklish, asked if it hurt and at the end exclaimed 'Haan, shayad yehi kerna hota hai'. (Third year, ENT ward) She has also checked my bowel sounds with her stethoscope.

Pink i know. It even has her name on it. SHOWOFF.

 Which brings us to number two on the list. (on the list.): Bearing with her freakiness. If she's not buried in some huge book written by Shruti, PL and Deeksha Dhingra (Im not kidding I swear those are real authors) then she's probably curled up with her steth like a little obsessive weirdo listening to her own bowel sounds. Once she had diarrhea and was fascinated by the sounds coming out of her stomach. She was quite sad when I didn't hear them. Naturally, she also listens to her heart beat, which makes her delusional coz now she experiences palpitations all the time. Also we have books everywhere.

yes there is a book on top of them too.

Books in the closet, how normal

Leading to the third: Dealing with the 'Medical Student Syndrome'. In this syndrome, each and every disease the patient comes across, he believes that he has them. I quote my cousin. Last week she suspected that she had aduction hyperflex. On Sunday it was insomnia. Monday she had narcolepsy. Tuesday she felt palipitations. Wednesday she felt .tachycardia. Last night it was left sided myalgea. So my job is to convince her that she has none of this. Im proud to say that I have really good powers of convincing. Oh yeah.

 Fourth is not minding disturbance of sleep. Usually she wakes up at three in the night and studies. So at these occasions I have several times been awaken to a creepy sensation of being stared at. When I questioned her sanity she told me I have a hot clavicle. On other occasions she needs to perform some sort of examination on me. Once it was a pupil dilation test. Another time it was a respiratory check up so I had to repeatedly say 'TEEN, TEEN, TEEN' as she moved the stethoscope over my back. I swear Im really glad no one comes to check up on us in our room. Else they'd be really disturbed. I've also been told the correct method of gastric lavage in my sleep. and now I really wanna study like this coz i remember it word to word. So if anyone gets poisoned. Come to me. Seriously.

The Fifth one is having her kill all my jokes. For a Med Student she is extremely brilliant (Masha'Allah) with the crazy nerd-freak drive to get a position each year. But when it comes to jokes. She's a frigging blondie. You wanna curl up and die in the time that goes by after the punchline and before her laugh. Also she sometimes tries to be scientific about stuff. For example:

SO FLLUUFFAAAY

She saw this. Loved it. And uses this lines with variations everyday like 'it's so funny/yummy' etcetera etcetera. But once, when she was in this really bad mood. She said, "I don't think you die if u find something fluffy" How could u atta, How could you?

The advantage of living with a med student? I can swear at people without them knowing. Seriously. I can go up to a person and tell them they had a HUGE gluteus maximus but they wouldnt know what im talking about. Oh and lets not even go there. That whole region. yeah if u piss me off, I'll describe you using all the names of the stuff found in that region. In scientific terms. Hah.

Also you can show off the fact that you know what the anatomical snuffbox is and that the bizelic vein goes through it or something. Pretty neat, no? Lemme be an optimist while it lasts.

DIE CIE DIE

Dudes. Exams. Terrified. Nerds. Study. Past papers. HUNGRY. Read. Solve. EAT. sleep. DAYDREAM. STUDY. 

yes. this has been my thought process for the past month. (except for the dudes part i was just addressing u guys Muahahah). Im giving my AS level CIE examinations and man has it been hell. I just had three consistent papers, a Chem practical, a Bio practical and a Psych paper and now thankfully i have a gap of 3 days before the next 3 consistent papers. I know. Im screwed. Here's how it usually goes.

I spend the whole day before an exam studying my ass off like a robotic maniac, not caring about anything other than the stupid book in front of me. If anyone dares to make conversation with me this is the look that they get:

questioning your sanity.

  At about 1 in the night I decide that there is nothing more I can do and surrender myself to the comfortable depths of my bed. A wink and a very disturbing dream later you find yourself waking up to the annoying voice singing "Here we goooo. Come with meeeeee. There's a world out there that we should seeeee" Yeah i actually used to like that song. now. I HATE IT.

So I get up, its 5 30, i pray, take a shower and go back to sleep for half an hour, getting up again to the stupid person trying to make a rocket out of scrap to go visit his girl friend in a  different country (HAH as if that's ever happening) (dude, FUEL?) (I have been studying physics ok, u'd better not doubt my knowledge). I change into my uniform, check all my stuff a bazillion times, gulp down some milk and try to ignore the queasy feeling in my stomach. Then i leave for the centre (or my school in case of a practical).

Now you know how something or the other has to go wrong? yeah. the first day my abbu got into a fight with the person conducting the traffic near my school so i get out of the car all shaken up and my mind isnt processing anything. the second day, its a theory paper so we have to go somewhere else and we totally lose our way. And i have one word to describe how i felt. PUKEY.

die die die

 I really need a knowledge harnessing helmet. It's like when I set my eyes on the building of the centre, my brain lets out a screech and a whimper, and pees in its pants. Only the pee is knowledge. and the pants are anywhere but in my mind. Right? right? Also I need to wear this shirt.

i just might

Practical papers are CPT. Constant Performance Tasks. Two hours of bloody test tubes, bunsen burners, chemicals, microscopes and the mocking blank paper right in front of you. I mean just imagine. A.C.s off (cause of enthalpy experiments), windows closed (breeze would disturb the burners) and bunsen burners on in front of your face. or what's left of your face. Coz most of it has melted. Finally after two hours of hopping around like a maniac, balancing multiple apparatus in your hands and trying to keep your scribbling match the language required, the examiners who have been walking around smugly with bemused smirks on their faces, order u to stop writing. Tired, defeated and totally exhausted, you rest your sweaty, bloody (drama), weak ass on the stool.

Now usually there's a domestic staff lady going around with water and cups. I jump at her and stare hypnotised at the water pouring into my paper cup. I kid you not i took 3 glasses and at the end i smiled apologetically at her but she stumbled a step away from me. So i must have been looking scary. Meh.

oh jeez. the mirror does not look good today.

 After that the wait begins. Now these stools that we're sitting on, they're backless. So yeah obviously I almost fell off a couple of times due to my severe need for back rest. I look around and everyone's passing these looks to each other, raising their eyebrows to ask how the paper went. They'd get a shrug or a sad whimper in reply. So I looked at H who was sitting beside me and i raised my eyebrows at her. Then i winked at her. Then i gave her a flirty smile. Then the examiner came and I had to avert my face as me and H did the silent monkey choking laughing routine. But then the examiner moved away and H asked me how my paper was. I gave her the following looks in succession. And yes i know im awesome for giving so many awesome looks. *bows*

seriously wtf was that?

I DID STUDY FOR THIS RIGHT?

SO SCREWED

Then thankfully they let us go and I can stop being awesome (though its effortless, so meh). I make my way out of the lab taking in a deep breath after the noxious fumes of the numerous gases in the lab (blame it on the chemical/ blame it on indigestion) and as soon as we reach the class where we have to wait till the Group B goes into the labs (GOD FORBID we jump out an shout practical readings at them) the nerds start discussing the paper. and yes. THE LOOKS ARE REQUIRED:

SHUT THE EFF UP U *TOONT*

yeah you itch.

 Nerds. UGH. They remind me I have to study. and i just wasted a WHOLE load of time. But I had to. Also this is my 50TH post. *Fireworks* And Atta. I'm sorry. I know i promised to post the "Life with a medical student roommate" article but I just had to get this out man. And also u just keep on providing me with matter ya know. I just heard you utter the words "Bloody mucous filled diarrhea". I love the pictures that you paint in my mind everyday. Thankyou.