HUMOR PURPOSES ONLY YO

this is an article I only JUST wrote for my school mag.. i hope the editor publishes it cuz i swear i spent two days  walking around in a daze. IT HAD BETTER BE WORTH IT!

Today, rather tonight, 2:59 AM, high on Panadol CF, exactly two days before my first exam, I have settled to blab a bit about mental disorders prevalent in most high schools nowadays. Everyone has, at one point in their life, diagnosed or has been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Be it about a sparkly vampire-fairy (sorry fans, Edward Cullen just killed the concept of vampires) or die-hard fandom of Arsenal/ Manchester United/ Real Madrid/ F.C. Barca,   it’s a mental disorder alright! Also frequent due to constant parental/elder sibling orders to either eat less ('OY GUMDROP! are those your arms or are they balloons?' or the ever subtle 'Your stomach is the best pillow around') or to eat more (followed by an hour long renting session of motherly woes and how you have wasted their efforts and become weight conscious with you almost wetting your pants to prevent yourself from screaming, “OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I am not dieting! I just want you to get the hint that I want to eat Bovi Chic” because u really don’t want the 2 hour lecture on healthy food that comes after) is the prevailing trend of apathy. Patients when asked about anything from 'Hey, how was your day?' to even 'OMG u watched Saw 7, HOW WAS IT?' always give a monosyllabic reply most common of which is ‘meh’. Oh interesting fact, there's an actor whose name is actually Alex Bleh! How awesome is that? Which brings us to ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). The main symptoms of this disorder are a lack of attention and too much activity or excessive daydreaming. Sound relatable? I thought so too. There’s no point denying that all of us have the Bipolar disorder too. One moment you’re soaring the skies like you’re on a psychedelic drug and the other you’re so surly you could bite someone’s head off. Now if you really can confidently say that you don’t have any of this, I salute you. You will develop all of this in University any way. Hah! Loser.

(This is all for humour purposes only. I do not mean to make fun of people who actually have this stuff, cause that’s really serious, I swear.)

 probably shouldnt have used so many brackets. meh.

-

Longing for that moment of clarity. Rewind and Stop. Please? Pretty please?

Band Aid anyone?

People say so easily, 'time heals all wounds'. I have been led to believe that this statement does not hold reason. As time passes by, you just have to deal with everything and so you put a bandage over your wound, hide it from the rest of the world but still nurse it in secrecy. Just because it's covered, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. If anything, time just welcomes guilt to the ride. Guilt for covering the wound up. Guilt for hiding it from your own self, like pretending it doesn't exist will make it go away. Irrationality. It just got overrated.

Numb

my lips are dry. the air seems stiff. my toes feel pinched. So it is true... winter's here. the time of the year when you begin to doubt if the coldness inside, is because of the weather... when you unconsciously withdraw into yourself, only to jump away, raw.. having found a part of you that you had hidden away beneath everything... Funny how 8 year olds can make you so emotionally vulnerable, you feel like you gave your coat to them to protect them from the cold wind, only to have them push you into a ravine of icy cold numbing water. which pretty much leaves you feeling empty. like you cant feel anything... I'd like that... to be Numb. Comfortably numb? 

Living the Limbo

I have been standing on the stairs for a while now. Have you noticed how the stairs are like a limbo? An intermediate place, a state of uncertainty... You're oblivious to the stairway as an actual place. Do you sit on the stairs and talk? Do you grab a book and some juice and find yourself a nice step? You're in between two destinations, only when you decide you wanna go up or down, do u actually go. And thats all u do while on the stairs. Decisions, decisions... If you cant decide, are you stuck in limbo? Are you stuck in between?

Sometimes, Limbo is your destination. Sometimes, you dont want to go up or down. Sometimes, you just wanna be away from the up and down. Sometimes, you just dont wanna choose. Live the limbo. You might just like it.

Insomnia

I'm surrounded by darkness. From down here, it looks like nothing exists. Frantic blinking wont do any good nor will searching for a light. The best way out; close your eyes. The darkness that surrounded you is now just your eyelid shielding you from all the light. Isn't it eerie how the same mirror shows every single person so many different things? Isn't it eerie how without light you don't have reflection? As your light dimunates so does your reflection, you personality. And then you're immersed in the darkness again.

Come to think of it, sleep is an eerie thing too. Isn't it weird how man, the most aggressive and defensive creature, lays all his guards down and finds rest in defenseless slumber? Your consciousness wavers and gradually floats away leaving you both physically and mentally vulnerable. Open to attack, not only from the world but your own self. That great wave of unconsciousness that smothers you in sleep, showing you dreams and nightmares and knowledge and reason, knowing all your secrets, making you emotionally fragile, taking away all its presence from your grasping hands when you wake up. You want to hold on, but your struggle is like  trying to hold back water from rejoining the sea.

Conflict

I cant write. I cant concentrate. I cant think. I cant cry. I cant want. I cant hope. I cant express. I cant let it go. I cant get over it. I cant forget about it. I cant stop. I cant let go. I cant hear myself think. I cant see clearly. I cant decipher the signs. I cant feel. People say u can feel it. I cant. What is it then? Isolation? Bottling up? Negative Reinforcement? Interruptions? Expectations? 

This isnt a sad post. Im happy. Life isnt tragic. Life is good. Things happen. For a reason. A good one. Everytime. You get through it. I get through it. Im not sad. Im not lost. Im not dramatic. Or yes maybe I am. Im just confused. It happens. I guess.